I always find it sweet whenever I see married couples who would still hold hands while walking. Being an idealist and a person who “used to be” in love with the idea of love, it gives me a sense of assurance that it is possible for two people to stay madly in love even if they’ve been together for so many years.
I’m turning 23, and currently accepting the fact that I am, unfortunately, single. Sometimes I wonder what age I prefer to get married. At this point, I think the latest would be when I’m already 28. However, when I think about that, I can’t help but to tell myself, “If I’m going to get married at 28, then I better find my future husband right away.” I only have 5 years left from my timeframe and that would still include the getting-to-know stage, to courtship, to going steady, before finally getting married. I can’t imagine myself settling down with someone without having a long-term boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. My sister’s case for example, she’s only 26 and she’s getting married on November with her boyfriend for almost 5 years. Just imagine if I set my marrying age at 26 like her. Only 3 years to find the perfect guy? Is that even possible? I hope you’re getting my point.
I don’t exactly know the reason why I’m writing this; probably because I’m brokenhearted or it’s just my feminine side being extremely aware that it is the month of February. Thanks to the frequent Valentine’s Day reminder junk mail I receive saying, “Hey, don’t forget, its Valentine’s Day next week!” or the annoying Gupo mails charming me with their “Tagaytay get away for two for only etc., etc., etc.”
I finished reading one book today (I know, I can be a geek sometimes). I’m so thankful I get to stumble upon this E-book which I downloaded to my phone and got so into it that I finished it right away. It’s about how prayer changes things. I know prayer is not always as simple as “naming it and claiming it”. God showed me through the book that sometimes we have to go through something to get what we want. I can’t help but somehow ask Him, “My prayer is just simple Lord. I just want to be okay, accept the “what is” and let go of the “what isn’t”. Can you not give me that right away? I can’t take this anymore.” But then, as I flipped through the pages, I know that He is talking to me. He wants me to feel the pain and experience it as a reminder of what I don’t want to feel and experience again. He is teaching me a lesson and will let me experience it over and over until I finally get it.
I know someday I will be okay because there’s no other option. Haha. It could take months or probably years. I’ll just wait for that time to come because I know that God is aware of my situation. I know he’s hurting too that I’m in pain but I have to go through this process to become the person he wants me to be. I’m certain he’s now preparing me for my “better” days. He is in control. I may still be sulking from time to time trying to get over the disappointment of another failed relationship. But this is all in His plan.
I’m claiming that God has prepared a wonderful guy for me; someone who loves God more than anything; someone who will love me for better or for worse; someone who will not leave me because of lame reasons; someone who would be willing to fight for me; willing to spend crazy, difficult and wonderful moments with me; someone who will hold my hand while walking even if we’re hundred years old already. Starting today, I will pray for that someone. Wherever you are, whoever you may be, someday you’ll find me. I’ll wait for that day and be confident because I know that that day… is worth the wait.
Of course we all want someone whom we can Hold Hands While Walking, but for now, I’d rather have Praying Hands While Waiting.
“I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait …”