These are the time s I remember the past. I’m just not sure if I think about it because I miss it… or I’m just too scared for it to happen again that’s why I’m trying to muse over it. Funny how sometimes I choose to think of how much it used to hurt. The pain reminds me of the times I just don’t know what to do for me to be okay… for me to be whole again. It’s been almost a year and sometimes I still can’t believe the fact that wow, I survived.
I would be a hypocrite to say that I no longer think about you because I still do. A lot. In fact I still think about you almost every day. But it doesn’t mean that the feeling is still there. Maybe I just fell in love with our beautiful memories. Maybe I just can’t let go of how much trust I gave you. Sometimes I still feel broken. I’m smiling, laughing, yet deep inside I’m still broken.
But God has been so good to me you know that? He allowed certain people to come into my life and somehow they have made new beautiful memories with me to cover up for the painful ones. They taught me once again how to smile and be thankful because of where God has brought me now. But I don’t know if I’m now ready to open my heart once again. I don’t want to be hurt, nor the one to hurt other people.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)