Today, I realized that I have been always afraid to fail. I want to do everything right and if possible, make things close to perfection. However, there are times I tend to just play it safe to avoid any form of humiliation or disappointment. “Why can’t I become like other people who can effortlessly surpass any kind of task?” “Why do I always struggle?” Even if it’s just a simple duty, I usually find myself wasting time weighing if I have done enough or worse, if I have done it right.
Frustrations are probably one of the unexplained feelings I have ever felt. I want to cry. I want to become angry. In fact, I don’t exactly know what to feel. All I know is that something inside me isn’t satisfied. I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know what it is. I feel helpless.
I’m a writer, and every time words don’t pour out easily like how it should be, I become frustrated.
I’m a designer, and when every design solution seems to be so wrong, I become frustrated.
I’m a musician, and when I can’t get right the song I’m playing, I become frustrated.
There are days I become frustrated, not as a writer, designer nor a musician, but simply as a child of God. I can’t understand Him. I don’t know what He is trying to tell me. I just want to cry and do nothing. I feel helpless even more. He frustrates me — big time.
And today was actually one of those days.
“Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift.” – 2 Corinthians 9:15
The verse struck me. I don’t know why. Yes, I know that I know what it means yet I am out of words to explain it. Suddenly, I began thinking that God indeed can frustrate us– because of His love and His grace. We can’t describe how good He is. We can’t even explain how much He loves us that He gave us His son to die for our sins. We can’t even comprehend His extraordinary grace.
But God doesn’t want us to become frustrated.
He wants us to stand amazed by Him.
He wants us to wonder about His marvelous work. He wants us to be in awe about His love for us. He doesn’t want us to understand Him. He wants us to trust Him. He wants us to cry, not because of fear but of joy because we know that He is in control. He doesn’t want us to question, but to depend on Him alone; on what He can do, and of what He will do.
Are you frustrated?
Be amazed by God’s love.