If I’m going to summarize into a single sentence my thoughts after reading Cole Ryan’s “Dear Guys” book, well here’s what I have to say: “Don’t tell a girl you like her if you’re not going to pursue her; don’t pursue her if you’re not going to marry her.”
I’ve read a couple of books about dating. There’s Joshua Harris’ “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and “Boy Meets Girl”, Lisa Velthouse’s “Saving My First Kiss” and one from a local author, Leah Marasigan’s “10 Commandments of Choosing God’s Best”. Actually, before I asked Cole if I can have a copy (I was lucky to be one of the first people who replied to his tweet about who wants to have an advance copy before it will be released ♥), I was thinking that somehow I already know what would be in it. Of course it would be all about “waiting” just like the other books I have read.
However, even though all those books were based from what the Bible says, I somehow find Cole’s “Dear Guys” interesting because it’s very straightforward. He started it from the Bible itself – of why we believe it and how it should set our standards in life. I love how he put it in the first chapters, about what God says about dating. Well, actually He did not say anything about it because first of all, He did not create it. He did not create a man and a woman simply for “dating” but for “marriage”. And true enough because I can’t seem to remember any story or instance in the Bible which shows “dating””. It’s all about “marriage”. We are the ones who created the whole idea about “dating”, not God.
True, God created marriage but it doesn’t mean that “dating” is a sin. It’s the purpose of “dating” that actually becomes wrong because most of the time, people who can’t marry yet choose to date instead. We love the feeling but miss the whole point about it. Marriage is not just the end product of “dating”. It should be the first to be considered too. If you’re a guy, this one’s for you: “Don’t ever think of pursuing a girl if “marriage” is not in your mind.” If you’re a girl, then read this: “Don’t ever say yes to a guy if you’re not sure that he wants to marry you, or you, yourself is not yet ready for it too.” If marriage is not the whole point of dating then what else would be?
Don’t date unless you’re ready to marry? Sounds ridiculous! We date to find the right guy. We date to find the girl of our dreams. Well, boys and girls, it is not our role to “find” our future partners. That’s where the “waiting” comes in. Well, waiting doesn’t mean that we just literally wait there and then one day our Mr. Right girl/guy will fall out of nowhere and tadah! We found them! That’s not what I mean about “waiting”. I like it better if we all think of the “waiting” stage as this: We don’t actually wait for someone. We wait for ourselves. We wait for ourselves to become ready and mature enough to understand the whole point of dating. We prepare before we engage into it. If all of us would just choose this kind of “waiting” then I believe there would be less people who will end up with broken hearts.
“Dear Guys” has given me new realizations. Sometimes I wish that I was able to read books like this when I was younger. Probably I would have been saved from the past heartaches and wrong decisions. But I know God can create beautiful things from the dust. If I haven’t been into any romantic relationship in the past, I wouldn’t be able to prove and persuade you guys that relationships without the idea of marriage don’t really work out. But then, it’s not simply having the idea of marriage. It should be God’s idea of marriage. And that is to bring Him glory.
** Thanks Cole for letting me have a copy of your book. It was indeed a blessing. Continue to inspire people through your works. Guys, here’s a link to his blog: http://kingcohl.com/