Hibernating: Day 2 of Unknown

*NP: “The A-Team” (Acoustic Cover) – Alex G.*

I need to breathe.

Why can’t I just let it go and for once, accept the fact that I am not who I think I am? I need to recover. I need to stop and rewire my brain. I’m losing track and this is not good. This is not the plan. I need to stick with the plan. Let your guards down and you’ll suffer. In time, I’ll be back.

In a snap I realized where I should be. I have seen things I’ve never seen before. Or probably I did but I chose to negate all of it. Have I become too selfish to not see it before? But I’m thankful. Now, I’m on the other side. I’m silently struggling with the things I should learn to love. Responsibilities. People. Scenarios. Environment. Who would even think that I would become like this? I need to “re-prioritize”. And that would mean less of me. Who would understand? Who would even dare to break the walls?

I’m learning a lot about myself lately. Like how I can’t focus doing my grocery if I’m with somebody. Haha. I don’t even understand what is going on. Is this like a “ripple” effect? Ha! I’m shrugging my shoulders as I gather for thoughts.

I close my eyes and think of the smell of coffee. Those nights with a journal, pen and this song… it brings me back to the first month. I smile. That blank feeling and the peacefulness of the night have always been so comforting. I have always owned the night trying to organize what’s in my head.

For some reason, these random words I write is giving me the air I need.

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