There are a lot of words to choose from that would describe my 2013. I’ve been considering the words “waiting”, “healing”, or even this: “2013: A Year of Uncertainties”. But then as I look back on everything that happened this year — in many aspects of my life (haha), I therefore conclude that indeed it has been a year full of new beginnings.
I just came back to Manila last December of 2012, so basically my first few months were all about adjustments. And even though I stayed in Cebu for only 10 months, it really felt strange coming back to the place you once tried to run away from. At first I thought I made a wrong decision. Like what if it’s not the right time to go back? What if there are better things in store for me in Cebu? Or what if I’m not yet ready to face everyone? It used to be scary. But then, I’m glad I made that choice. For about 5 months, I was busy reviewing for the board exams. To be honest, taking the ALE (Architecture Licensure Examination) last June wasn’t really included in the plan (because in fact, and again, there wasn’t really any plan at all). If it wasn’t for my closure issues, I wouldn’t give it a try. Why? Well, let’s just say that for about a year, I was on the verge of giving up on my dream to become an architect. I mean, I somehow lost the passion or whatever you call it about the whole architecture stuff. I don’t know. I guess it just happened.
The first half of 2013 was insane. It was difficult, dealing with so many issues while trying to focus on the review. At first, I thought I can handle everything perfectly fine – all by myself. Spending time with my friends in the past didn’t become so easy to do. I had to endure alone everything that’s shaking my whole life thinking that I have nobody. My life revolved around my review classes and my journal. Talking to people became a torture and I didn’t want to engage in any conversation that would involve anything that’s too personal. You’ll know more about that from my previous posts. You know what? Reading again the things I have written earlier this year makes me smile. I mean, look at me now. God answer prayers. :)
When I passed the board exam, I felt like everything that happened next was too fast for me to handle. I used to tell everyone that if ever I pass, I still have no idea what to do next. Honestly, I’m thinking of going back to Cebu and probably stay there for a few years. But God is full of surprises. In less than a month after the exam results were released, I was given a job offer here in Manila. In fact, it would be my 6th month in the company this coming January and I am so thankful for the opportunities and blessings this work is giving me. I have to admit, there are many times I wonder if this is the right job for me. I mean yes, I’m having doubts and frustrations from time to time but God never fails to remind me that everything that He allows to happen has a divine purpose. And even if I’m not sure if this is where He wants me to be, I know that He is faithful enough to carry out the plan He has for my life wherever He places me.
Coming back to Manila, passing the board exam, and finding a good job were all blessings. It gave me enough reasons to be thankful and celebrate. All along I thought it was all I needed to complete my year. Haha. But God has other plans. It’s amazing how I only asked for a few specific things but it turned out that I was given more.
Of all the new beginnings I had for 2013, I must say that the most significant one was my new beginnings with a lot of people. My second half of the year was all about countless encounters with strangers, who eventually became new friends. It was a year of re-connecting with old people. It was a year where I realized that I actually enjoy meaningful conversations. I learned that the more I spend time with people, the more I get to appreciate life. Soon, my schedule became full of dates with friends — individually or as a group. It was a year where I learned how to value relationships. I’m not really a family-oriented person, but I decided to step up and at least make an effort to change my perspective about it. I became more open with my parents, telling them even the most unusual and weird stories I have to share. It was indeed a year of battle and I thought I almost lost it. It was tough. I had to choose to continue to fight everyday. Fight for the unknown. Fight for the things you believe in. Fight for your life. Fight because you just have to. It was the year I heard my mom telling me that she loves me. And then she hugged me… as if she’s never gonna let me go.
2013 taught me how to make the most out what’s given to you. People. Time. Life. It taught me how to become stronger. It tested my skills of independence and how long I can stand making people believe that everything is fine. Yet, I am thankful because God has been faithful. During those times I felt His silence, I decided to just stand still and dwell in His presence. I may not know what’s next for me in 2014, but I’m sure it would be exciting because again, I’m surrendering everything to Him. Life is short but life could also be beautiful. If you would just know how to give meaning to it, I’m sure one day when all of this ends, you will be able to say that you have lived a full life.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!