I suddenly felt my energy drop to almost zero level. So I decided to just go to bed and sleep it off. When I woke up, it felt worse. It’s one of those mornings when you don’t know what’s wrong but it feels like something’s wrong. The feeling started to get worse as I prepare for another day of interacting with people.
These are the thoughts of every introvert person who just reached their threshold of socializing. Haha. I know it sounds weird, but when we say we had too much interaction for today, trust us. It is mentally exhausting.
As much as I’d like to make myself available and be excited making friends and catching up, my normal self does not cooperate so well during times like this. I need to restart my system and recharge.
So, please allow us to have our alone time. Or when we choose to be with a small circle of friends we’re comfortable with. Exposing ourselves to a big crowd will only make things worse. I personally prefer detaching from people and just spend time with myself. Whether just staying at home, watching tv, writing or music, these things help me recover. We have different ways on how to cope, so trust us. We know what we’re doing. :p
Also, please bear with us. You may mistake us for being snobs in times like this, but the truth is, we’re just trying to recuperate to get our gears working again. It’s not that we hate you and try to avoid you. We just can’t find the right thread to pull on how to become not awkward talking to you. We would rather spend the next hours baby talking to toddlers than having a real conversation in a room full of people. Well of course, when it’s impossible to escape, we still try our best to act normal even if it’s starting to drain our energy.
Most of the time, I hate myself for being like this. Like, why can’t I just become that person who doesn’t need to go thru this? It’s difficult to reboot when it’s all empty. I know it’s annoying and difficult, but I find it beautiful too at the same time. It makes me realize how insufficient I am. It reminds me to put my trust all the more to God who is able to restore all things. It takes away my dependence to myself and my capabilities. If I don’t have this flaw, I can easily boast how easy it is to be with people. It makes me realize how needy I am of God’s strength.
It’s still beautiful, right?