When I was 16, I was Young, In-Love, and Foolish

So ayun na nga. Feb-ibig nanaman.

I haven’t done this in years and I really don’t know what got into me, but I really feel that maybe it’s about time to write something about this topic for one last time — as a single woman.

I was 16 when I had my first romantic relationship. I was 18 when I had my first heartbreak. The next years after, I was either again heartbroken, the one who’s breaking hearts, or sometimes, there were no hearts involved at all. Now I’m 28 and about to marry my TOTGA — “The One That God Allowed”. HAHAHA. Pagbigyan nyo na.

Thinking about it as I’m about to close my journey of singlehood, a lot of things happened along the way. It’s kind of weird to look back and see how different things are now compared to what it’s like 10 years ago.

Dati sinabi ko ‘to:

“Isang araw makakalimutan ko rin lahat ng yun. Hindi ko lang alam kung kelan. Basta ang alam ko dadating din yung araw na yun. Baka next week… next month… or next year… or ewan. Basta, makakalimutan ko rin lahat ‘to. :)” – Sept. 3, 2008

True enough, nakalimutan ko nga few years after. Pero naulit eh, tapos nakalimutan, naulit, nakalimutan ulit, tapos ayun. Somehow it became a routine.

They say that wisdom comes with age. Yes it’s true but I believe it still comes from God. We may grow older yet not learn from the mistakes of our past, or not pay attention to how our character was being tested over the years. It is only God who can open our eyes to the things we won’t be able to realize immediately, or maybe at all. All throughout my single life, I had many regrets, many what-ifs, and many yolo moments. Pero sabi ko nga, dahil this would be the last time that I will be writing about this as a single woman, I’d to share few things that I’ve learned in my journey of singlehood.

1. You will survive your first heartbreak.
Yes, you will. Makaka-move on ka din. Kahit first pa yan, second, third, or nth number of heartbreak, you will still get over it. Even if you feel na you will never find someone again who can replace that person in your heart, alam mo that will only happen it you allow it to be that way. Over the years, andaming beses na akala ko I won’t be able to move on from my previous relationships. Pero mali ako because dumating din yung time na I did forget the pain, I was able to forgive, and most of all, I moved on in life. Remember, the world won’t stop and wait for you to be okay before it starts spinning again.

IMG_453131920980579
HAHAHAHA. This is not a candid shot. Sinadya talaga namin ito. Circa 2008.

God did not intend for us to suffer and sulk for all the wrong reasons, that’s why if He chooses to remove someone in your life, trust Him that it’s for your own good. There’s always a lesson in every heartbreak.

2. Enjoy your singleness and don’t go chase after love so much.
It is so tempting to enjoy singleness by the way the world teaches us how. The mentality of “if everybody’s doing it, then what’s wrong?” In the past, I thought there’s nothing wrong with going out on random romantic dates. Pero later on, I came to a point where I wish I didn’t entertain the idea of “dating” simply because I’m not yet ready for marriage. It could’ve saved me from numerous unnecessary emotional baggage.

Because what’s the whole point of “dating”? Read one of my previous posts.
Why Should You and I Date?

Also, what you are in your single years is what you will bring in your married life. Why not make the most out of what you can on your own to improve yourself? I’ve always wanted to be a digital nomad and how I wish I was able to do that during my single years. Now that I am preparing for the next season of my life, I have decided to let go of that dream to focus on what’s best for the marriage because it won’t be just about myself anymore.

The best season to invest and explore on what you can do on your own is during your single years. Don’t keep on waiting for love. Remember, there’s more to life than love life.

3. It’s okay to set your standards high.
Kahit naman mataas yan, if it is God’s will for you to be with someone, sya din mismo gagawa ng way para maibaba yang standards mo. And by the way, when I say standards, it should be aligned with your personal convictions in life.

Before I met Darel, I was so involved in church. I was part of the leadership team of our Young Adults ministry. I was doing fine and enjoying life pero one day I realized its effect to what qualities I would want my future partner to have. I strongly believe that a man should be the one who will spiritually lead the family kaya nga nasabi ko nun, parang ayoko ma-equip ng ma-equip at matuto ng maraming bagay about kay God kasi feeling ko mas mahirap makahanap ng boyfriend. Hahaha. Pero isa yun sa standards ko eh. I want someone who is spiritually mature than me and not someone who will slow me down when it comes to my desire of knowing God intimately. Eh ayun nga, after a few years I met the one that God allowed. Hihi.

Also, I’d like to encourage you to be inspired by the couples you look up to. There’s no how-to book in marriage so it’s still best to look at the lives of those people and learn from them.

4. It taught me not only to love myself, but to love God more than anything else.
Being in a relationship is not for everybody. I was slowly learning and accepting this truth when God in His great wisdom allowed Darel and I to meet. It was very ironic because just when I was starting to embrace that Christ is enough in this life, God showed me that He still wants me to learn many things about myself and about Him thru Darel.

I remember telling him straight to his face noon, “Alam mo, masaya naman ako kahit wala ka eh…” (Yabang ko eh HAHA) “…pero mas masaya pala pag andyan ka”. (BOOM. HAHAHAHA) But seriously, the point is your level of contentment. Finding a partner in life and getting married is not the main point of life. You should be 100% complete with or without love life.

The season of singlehood is a blessing. Sometimes I look back on those days na kumakain ako sa labas mag-isa, and even manood ng sine mag-isa. Hindi naman nakaka-bawas ng pagkatao pag ginawa mo yung mga bagay na yun tapos makikita ka ng ibang tao. In fact, mas empowering pa nga eh. There’s something to admire with people who can do things independently. Because let’s face it, lahat tayo takot maging mag-isa.

Sharing with you one of the verses that helped me thru the years of being a single:

“God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?” – Numbers 23:19

My advice for singles, anchor your worth not on things or on someone that’s only temporary, but on someone who’s everlasting. Be secured with God through His son Jesus Christ, with the help of the Holy Spirit. <3

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