It’s 7:16pm and I am writing this while on the road going to Batangas. Darel is driving and here I am seated at the back, struggling to compose my thoughts. He insisted that I take the back seat so I can be comfortable as I type away. He knows my thing for writing.
I usually write year ender posts and in fact, I have been doing it for the past 7 years or so. Now it’s 2018 and I must say that it kinda gets harder and harder every year. Haha. It’s not that I don’t have anything I’m thankful for to write about. I just feel like so many things are happening all at the same time and I’m still not done reflecting on each highs and lows.
I could easily say that getting married was the best thing that ever happened to me this year. However, I think God wants me to write more than the joy of being married. I mean, yes, marriage is one of the best things that could happen in your lifetime but I believe that if I begin to worship my marriage more than the One who orchestrated it in the first place, then I am missing out the real purpose of this blessing. So I want to write something else. Something new. Something raw. Something that I myself haven’t fully processed yet on my own. I think I seem to always end the year talking about my best moments and rarely give emphasis on the bad ones. Because who wants to remember bad memories right? Many times I find myself closing my eyes, thanking God for where I am right now, but I’d like to let you know that there are also countless times when I would just cry out to God, asking for strength and healing.
It was a year of unmasking my false self before my Creator. He showed me how wounded I still am no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I am perfectly fine. I realized that healing is a lifetime process and that it would really take a loving community to help you go through it. I have stopped projecting that I have my life figured out. I started to admit that I struggle with so many things but it’s okay because there is hope in Jesus. I cannot put into words how God allowed me to learn new things about Him but I am grateful because knowing Him intimately is worth all the tears and pain. So with that, I would like to close 2018 with this: what an ugly heart I have without God’s mercy and grace. Everything I have and do not have is His. I live by His grace.
** I know this isn’t one of my best write-ups but it’s okay. It doesn’t have to be the best. It just needs to be better. Get a little better each day. That’s what I’m looking forward to in 2019.
Happy new year!