15th Year in “Blogging”

Few nights ago, I had the time to read some of my blog entries from way back 2007 to 2009. Sa totoo lang, halo-halong emosyon yung naramdaman ko habang iniisa-isa ko yung mga dating post ko. Eh kasi may masaya, may nakakatawa, may nakaka-inis, nakaka-iyak, at yung iba, ewan. Na-realize ko nga, ibang-iba na pala talaga ako magsulat ngayon compared before. Hindi ko rin ma-explain eh. Actually, since 2015 napansin ko na yun. Pakiramdam ko hindi na talaga kagaya ng dati. Siguro kung mababasa nyo yung mga sinusulat ko dati, magegets nyo ako. Or baka hindi rin. Haha. Tinatanong ko nga yung sarili ko, ano nga bang nagbago? Bakit kung kelan mas accessible na ang internet ngayon at napaka-dali ng magpost anytime at anywhere, tsaka naman nagkaron ng ganitong feeling.

Last December 2017, I was invited by a class of Mass Communication students in FEU to give a talk about blogging. Iniisip ko tuloy ngayon kung ano nga ba yung mga pinag-sasabi ko sa kanila noon. Haha. Ah! Naalala ko na. Basic lang naman. Like how I started blogging, my experience, and some tips and tricks daw sa mga gusto rin mag-blog. Nung na-receive ko yung invitation, nagulat ako. Kasi syempre, sabi ko hindi naman ako Blogger na “influencer” talaga. Nag-disclaimer na ako kasi baka mamaya mag-expect sila. Hahaha! Pero pasok pa rin daw ako dahil more than 10 years naman na daw ako nag-bblog. I ended up accepting the invitation. Ang naisip ko kasi nun, “Uy, opportunity.” Opportunity hindi para ma-plug yung blog ko pero I was more after sa experience na makapag-salita sa ganung klaseng audience. Introvert talaga ako eh, but I also enjoy speaking and/or teaching. So sobrang thankful ko nung time na yun.

15th Year Blogging (1)

15th Year Blogging (2)

I remember telling them some of the things that I’ve learned over the years. Gaya na lang nung reality na you will really have all sorts of audience/reader. Yung iba, pwedeng gusto yung mga gawa mo, pero may mga tao rin na pwedeng hindi ka nila feel. Pero bukod dun, masasabi ko na I’ve learned many skills because of this. Andyan yung pag take ng photos, videos, kung paano mag-edit, or minsan, ayun nga, nagkakaron ng opportunity for you to speak naman instead of just writing. At this point, I am still learning. At siguro part ng learning na yun itong nafifeel ko ngayon.

I think I have lost myself in the process.

I started blogging in 2004 dahil ang primary reason ko lang naman noon was the convenience of having no risky copy of my personal diary. Ang stressful kasi nung kahit anong ipit mo ng diary in between sa mga damit mo sa cabinet mo, nakikita pa rin talaga ng nanay mo. Hahaha. So basically ang laman ng blog ko dati was all about my daily life. Like kung anong nangyari sakin, nakita ko ba yung crush ko, na-late ba ako sa school, anong iniisip ko, mga pinag-ddaydream ko, at kung anu-ano pa. In short, madalas walang sense. HAHA. Pero ganun naman kasi talaga kadalasan ang mga blog dati. At alam nyo nung binalikan ko ngayon yung mga dating daily rants ko lang in life, I realized na okay rin pala yung ganun. Simply because, mas totoo. Mas raw. Mas dama mo yung puso. Mas kita mo what life really is all about.

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Circa 2008/09. Napaka-payat ko talaga dati. Hahaha.

Now I am asking myself, masyado ba akong nakisabay sa uso? Yung tipong hindi ko namalayan, nawala na yung essence kung bakit nga ba ako nagblog in the first place. Minsan it frustrates me whenever I will find myself spending so much time editing photos than the actual writing. Pero parang nasanay na ako eh. Kasi halos lahat ganun na yung ginagawa. Parang unti-unti na tuloy nagkaron ng lesser value yung pagsusulat ko. And besides, who really takes time to read nowadays? Alam nyo, natatakot ako na one day, pag binalikan ko ulit yung mga nasulat ko in this blog, ma-disappoint ako dahil I decided to just write without really putting my heart into it. Baka after 10 years, wala ng chance na kaya akong patawanin, inisin, or even paiyakin nitong mga sinusulat dito ngayon. Kasi kinalimutan ko na kung bakit ko nga ba ginusto magsulat. This blog was actually for myself: to see how how much I’ve grown over the years, to see the things I’ve learned, and more than anything else, it’s because I want to remember that I lived my life experiencing joy and surviving some pain.

Well, siguro nga, mas matapang ako dati.

Dati sinabi ko, ang pag-bblog para lang sa matatapang. Kasi you put your thoughts out there without knowing how other people will take it. Pero may time rin kasi dati na sinabi rin ko sa sarili ko na mas matapang ka ata when you just choose to be silent, and stay away from people… and probably go to Cebu? HAHAHAHA. So siguro until now nadala ko yun. Parang ngayon madalas ako mag-hold back on the things I want to say because honestly I am afraid to fail. Takot akong magkamali. Gusto ko perfect. Pero ngayon unti-unti ko narerealize ko na okay lang pala talaga magkamali minsan kasi you will learn a lot from it. Minsan din iniisip ko parang naging bobo na ata ako dahil bakit parang hirap na hirap akong magsulat ng something that’s on the heart level? Yung tipong there’s something more that I want to say than just talking about the places I’ve been to, pero walang lumalabas sa utak ko. I believe every writers dream is to be able to connect with the hearts of people. And that’s what I’ve always wanted. Ayoko lang basta mag-inform. I want to be able to “connect”. More than being a “blogger”, gusto ko talaga maging “writer” eh. Well, wala naman masama mangarap. Yun nga lang, halos nawala na ata yung pangarap na yun.

Backpacking Mindanao 2014
Backpacking Mindanao 2014

Darel will always tell me that I have a beautiful mind. (Naks! Asawa ko yan! Hahaha) Gustong gusto daw nya pag nagsusulat ako. Actually ako rin, gusto ko rin pag nagsusulat ako. It helps me breathe. It helps me organize my thoughts. It makes me recognize and face the emotions na sa totoo lang mahirap harapin. Bakit nga ba pakiramdam ko sobrang duwag na ako ngayon? Kasi there are people who think that they have their life all figured out? Yung tipong may masasabi at masasabi sila sa sasabihin mo dahil sa tingin nila mas tama yung pananaw nila sa buhay. I think the world has really become so toxic na kahit saan ka tumingin ngayon halos lahat ng tao naghahanap ng kaaway. Dati hindi naman ganun sa mundo ng blogging. People support each other at nilalagay pa nga yung links ng blogs ng friends nila sa websites nila. Hahaha. Ngayon kasi lahat gusto maging magaling. Lahat gusto magsalita so hindi na natuto makinig. Pakiramdam ko, I’ve been observing and listening so much for the past years, na nakalimutan ko naman mag-speak up from time to time. Hindi rin pala okay yun. Mababago ko pa kaya yun? Maibabalik ko pa kaya yung kahit konting tapang na i-share man lang kahit papano kung anong nasa utak ko? Or tuluyan na ba akong makakain ng sistema? Sa tingin ko, wala namang masama mag-express as long as you do it respectfully and you are not shoving it into people’s face na dapat maging iisa kayo ng pag-iisip. The world today needs more brave souls who will show that life isn’t always happy and perfect. Hindi lahat #goals.

I don’t think I can go back, pero maybe I can at-least start again.

Hindi ko sinasabi na I will stop doing travel posts from now on or something like that. I am just challenging myself na lagyan ko naman ulit ng “puso” at nung totoong ako yung mga isusulat ko dito. Alam nyo, sobrang na-eencourage ako whenever I hear people na they don’t have their life all figured out. Yung sila din nagkakamali pala at nahihirapan in life. Dati may nagsabi sakin na, “Buti pa si ate Renel, pwedeng pumunta kung saan saan at pwedeng gawin kahit ano. Pwede namang ganyan na lang sana yung life diba? ” Kung iisipin, flattering dapat yung comment na yun diba? Pero that moment nahiya ako. Kasi na-realize ko na ganun pala yung image na na-cocommunicate ko sa ibang tao. Gusto kong sabihin na “Uy, may mga issues din ako. May mga struggles din ako in life. Don’t look at me as someone na okay na okay ang life dahil kung alam nyo lang yung mga issue ko.” Hahahaha. Pero gets nyo? I don’t want to contribute dun sa false idea na, “this is what life should be”. Yun bang we can all recognize na it’s okay if you are not “this” at the age of “this.” Mas gusto ko pang masabi sakin na, “Buti si ate Renel, kaya nyang maging vulnerable and admit that it’s okay not to be okay.” Alam ko hindi madali gawin yun. Pero kaya nga ito, sinusulat ko para ma-remind ako kung ano nga bang “influence” ang gusto kong i-share to those people who will stumble upon this blog.

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2019: Turning 30yrs old. Married. I still write, but sometimes I also speak.

This year, 15th year ko na sa pag-bblog. Maraming nagbago. Nadagdagan ng followers/readers. Nadagdagan rin ng content (minsan may sense, minsan wala pa rin HAHA). Sabi ko sa isang previous entry ko: If I have to go as deep as sharing about my failures and triumphs in my life, I will do it as long as I live to inspire and bring back all the glory to the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Gusto ko pa rin panindigan ‘to. Dati may mga nagsasabi sakin na ayaw nila akong kausap dahil masyado daw akong deep na tao. I think so much daw about deep stuff. Haha. Well, sa tingin ko mas okay na yun kesa you will reach the end of this life thinking only about the shallow things. Life is too short to focus only on what’s on the surface. So why don’t we all dig deeper diba? There’s gotta be more to life than what we think we already know.

So ano, simulan ulit natin ‘to? ♥

 

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2 thoughts on “15th Year in “Blogging”

  1. Hello :) I’m a new follower. Hindi ko alam pero binasa ko sya mula sa dulo hanggang sa simula HAHAHA weird pero somehow, medyo naka relate ako on some parts. Siguro ganon talaga when you’ve been blogging for too long. You will lost yourself in the process dahil sa mga emerging trend na parang gusto rin natin na makasabay tayo. When in fact, blogging is supposed to be about writing our heart out para kung sasakaling babalikan, mapapatawa o mapapaiyak tayo ng mga naisulat natin. :D

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Totally agree! We try to keep up with the trend kasi aminin na natin, malaki talaga yung influence nito on everyone, including us who have been doing this for so many years. :) Ganun pa man, doing a self-check once in a while would really be helpful in making sure na hindi tayo na lost track sa real reason natin on why we blog. Thanks for reading, dear. ♥

      Liked by 1 person

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