One morning, a couple of months ago, Darel was running a bit late for work. It was our typical morning (in the past haha): I was busy in the kitchen, washing the dishes because we just had our breakfast, while he was busy getting dressed and preparing his things. Everything was fine until suddenly he began to throw some kind of a tantrum and I can sense that he is annoyed. Bigla na lang siya nag-dadabog and when I asked him what’s wrong, he gave me a very rude, “WALA!”. I raised an eyebrow and took a deep breath, but remained silent.
Even though I was confused, I chose to just continue doing my chores, telling myself that I’m not going to pick a fight over his attitude because I don’t want my morning to be ruined. Normally, I would easily get offended, but that morning was a surprise dahil hindi ko siya pinatulan. Haha. After putting on his shoes and getting his bag, he left. Just like that. No “goodbye” or “see you later” before going out of the house. Kaya alam nyo, hindi naman talaga totoo na babae lang ang may mga topak eh. Minsan sila rin. Hahaha.
So anyway, even if he just left the house as if I wasn’t there, hindi ko siya ginera while he’s driving. In short, I was composed and full of patience, not minding what just happened. And then suddenly he called my phone. I picked up and was surprised when he said, “Love, I’m sorry for my attitude earlier. Please forgive me?” Binabaan ko nga. HAHAHAHA. Kidding! Of course I said it’s fine but I asked him kung ano bang problema nya. Mainit daw kasi, tapos pawis na siya and malapit na siya ma-late. So ayun. Galit na galit siya sa pawis niya at pati ako nadamay. We just ended up laughing.
Probably one of the most common questions people ask Darel and I as a newly married couple is the question of, “Nag-away na ba kayo?”. Feeling ko nga it’s a common conversation starter with those who are living together for the first time. So we always had to revisit our memories kung ano nga ba yung pinaka-una or kahit yung pinaka-recent, just so we can re-tell people about our married life conflict experience. Of course, it’s easy to share the petty and funny ones. Like the first ever fight and si Darel yung nauna pumasok sa kwarto kaya ako yung naiwan sa sala, at laking pagsisisi ko na hindi ako yung nauna sa kwarto. Hahaha. There was also a time na we had an argument over something na hindi sana nangyari kung hindi lang kami tamad tumayo at iwan saglit yung ginagawa namin to assist the other. I think we all have those moments. Yung pareho lang kayong sabaw tapos pumatol yung isa kaya ayun, nauwi sa away. But then, like what I said, it’s easy to share stories like these. Kasi nakakatawa lang eh.
When we were still dating ni Darel, I can say na we fight a lot. At madalas yung reason was the tone of voice kaya nagkakaron kami ng misunderstanding. Aside from that, we have different personalities and may effect yun when it comes to conflict. Si Darel, kapag nag-aaway kami ang gusto nya pag-usapan agad. Ako, ayoko muna kasi I want time to think. Si Darel, kapag nagsabi siya ng sorry, okay na yung isang beses for him kasi he would rather show it in his actions than his words how sorry he is. Eh kaya lang words ang love language ko. Haha.
We dated for 3 years before getting married, and we sure have learned a lot about each other, especially when it comes to handling conflicts. Natuto naman kami mag-adjust and I’m thankful na kahit papaano, na-baon namin yun as we entered this married life. Kaya nga may isang beses na in the middle of our argument nitong kasal na kami and I was already running out of words to say (I’m slowly adapting to let’s-talk-about-it-right-now pace), all I was able to blurt out was, “Umalis ka nga sa harap ko!”. And he did. Umalis nga siya because he knows na sometimes I really prefer taking some time alone before patching things up. We didn’t talk for about an hour or two. Haha! That was the first time ever na nasabihan ko siya nun, and honestly I felt really bad. Alam nyo yung parang out of pressure na kailangan kong magsalita rin, yun na lang yung nasabi ko. Hahaha.
The idea of “fights and arguments with your spouse could be really ugly” is true, but in reality how ugly could it really get? Hmm. Iba-iba naman for sure. Siguro kami in our first year, malala na yung isang beses na out of my frustration na he doesn’t understand what I’ve been trying to explain again and again, I threw something (a bottle cap) and it bounced off the floor and the walls of the house. Buti nga hindi nabasag, or walang nabasag sa bahay. I did that right after he walked out the door, and I think he heard it so bumalik siya ulit. We ended up talking about it for a couple of hours. I said sorry. He said he is sorry too, and asked me if I can be more patient with him if he can’t understand the things I say to him. In return, he told me that he will do his best to improve more in listening to me. Minsan ang saya ng feeling na nag-away kayo tapos ang ending eh napag-usapan and na-settle noh? Minsan lang naman. Hahaha.
God is continually teaching me a lot about this verse, “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Ephesians 4:26-17). Alam nyo ba, Darel will always rebuke me every time na kailangan ko nun (sinama nya nga pala ‘to sa wedding vow nya hahaha), and he will always tell me, “You should not do that/this even if you are angry.” And I’m thankful for having a husband who does that. Minsan nga lang masakit. Haha. Pero okay lang. And when there are times na ako naman yung kailangan gumawa sa kanya nun, I always pray for courage. Parang ayoko kasi yung kailangan marinig pa nya sakin, or siguro may konting fear na he will not take it positively tapos mag-aaway lang kami. Pero nasa vow rin pala nya yun, to be humble and accept when he is the one who made a mistake. Hahaha. In this lifetime, we are bound to make a lot of mistakes and cause pain to other people especially to our spouse, pero there’s always room for improvement like understanding, giving second chances, courage to rebuke, encourage, and a lot more.
Minsan I tend to wish na sana I can capture in photo or video all the good, the bad, and even the ugly side of being married. I’m a memory keeper. Haha! Pero syempre hindi naman posible yun. Well, I may not be able to capture it but at least I can write about it. ♥