Happy, Sad, or Whatever? It’s fine.

There was a point in my life when I used to hate emotions. I would easily get annoyed when I hear someone crying or when I hear too much laughter. Naiirita ako pag may masyadong excited, halatang kabado, or anything. In fact, you could have easily mistaken me as the Christmas grinch if you have met me several years ago. Ang lagi ngang sinasabi ng tatay ko sakin, “Bakit ba palagi kang galit sa mundo?” And being the grinch that I was, I will not respond, but instead, I’ll go straight to the bedroom and slam the door. If you will ask my siblings, ako yung palaging may topak. Ako yung kapatid na kahit kausapin mo ng matino, sasagutin ka ng pabalang. Well, swerte mo noon kung kakausapin nga kita. Kasi most of the time, dedma lang ako sa lahat ng bagay.

Iniisip ko, hindi naman siguro ako pinanganak na galit na agad ako sa mundo. Hindi ko na kasi matandaan kung bakit at kailan nga ba nagsimula yung ganung pananaw ko pagdating sa emosyon. Basta ang alam ko, nung mga panahon na yun, I can easily hate everyone and I won’t care if they hate me back. Pero alam nyo, napakabuti ng Panginoon at napaka-talino. Kasi for me to learn how to appreciate emotions, He made it a point na ma-experience ko yung mga napaka-sayang araw sa buhay ko, then all of a sudden, inalis nya. In a snap. So from too much happiness, biglang too much sadness na may kasamang so much pain. And before I knew it, I had to go through a lot of emotions all at the same time, na halos mabaliw ako kasi hindi ko alam kung paano ihandle.

Nung mga panahon na yun, sa tingin ko deserve ko naman yun. Yung mga times na hindi ko alam kung kailan ba ang tamang oras para umiyak, or kung saan ba pwede. So nagkaron ako ng safe zones na pwede akong umiyak. Una, pag naliligo. Pangalawa, pag nagco-commute. Oo, like sa jeep, sa bus, o kahit simpleng pag naglalakad. Sabi ko nga diba, halos mabaliw ako noon. Kasi dapat walang makakita na I was experiencing those things. Hanggang sa isang araw, nagbreakdown ako, na siguro ako lang at yung pamilya ko lang yung makakapag-describe. So umalis ako ng Manila at nagsimula ulit. Akala nyo sa movies lang nangyayari yun noh? Haha.

Kaya siguro kung mapapansin nyo, may times dati na puno ng emosyon na ako magsulat (ever since I transferred here in WordPress). Mararamdaman mo kung malungkot ba ako, masaya, confused, or something else. Sabi ko nga in my previous posts, ayoko sanang mawala yun. Kaya ito sinusubukan ko ulit. Kasi if I am to capture into writing all the things that I am experiencing and turn it into memories (whether good or bad), I need to keep it real. And honestly, it’s hard to keep things real in this world that we live in. So today, I am making a vow to myself that this blog will continue to be a collection of words, photos, and experiences showing that life will not always be pleasant. Madalas malungkot at nakakapagod. Pero it doesn’t mean na I will be dwelling so much dun sa mga negative things. I just want to have a balance and show na life is not perfect but there is always something to be thankful for.

I don’t want my writings to be received in such a way na, “Mali yan. Dapat ganito.” Instead, I am praying na God will allow me to communicate to the people who will stumble upon this blog na, “Dumaan din ako dyan, so I will not judge you. In fact, ito yung natutunan ko.” Ayoko rin sanang ma-communicate with the things I share na, “I know better” and mas superior ako, kasi marami na masyadong ganun ngayon na nakakasuka na. Gusto kong ipakita na maraming bagay na hindi ko rin alam pero willing akong matutunan. Na nagkakamali rin ako and I will always strive to do better next time. I don’t want to teach. I want to share. I believe there’s a thin line between the two. And it’s something na kailangan ko rin palaging ipaalala sa sarili ko; hence this post.

Since my “emotions-are-good” breakthrough, I have slowly learned that emotions are there for a reason. And besides, God will not create it kung hindi naman ‘to importante at hindi maganda. Even the negative ones. Kahit nga si Jesus diba, sabi sa Bible, He wept. Unti-unti kong natanggap na okay lang pala i-express kung ano yung nafifeel mo. Natutunan ko na we are free to express our emotions, but still, we should not be led by it. Emotions are good because it reveals the state of our hearts, and God loves it when he sees kung ano nga ba yung mga nasa puso natin. May mga pagkakataon ngayon na minsan ayoko pa rin aminin kung masaya ba ako, malungkot, galit or ewan. Para bang nakakalimutan ko yung mga bagay na tinuro Niya sakin in the past years. Pero I’m thankful na sa tuwing darating ako sa ganung point, God will always remind me na , “Uy, okay lang. Andito ako. Let’s go through it together.”

Let’s continue making memories, and let’s keep it real.

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2 thoughts on “Happy, Sad, or Whatever? It’s fine.

  1. I once read a passage in the book, Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman that says, “I agree that I have the right to feel hurt, angry, disappointed and frustrated or whatever else I may be feeling. I don’t choose my feelings; I simply experience them. On the other hand, I disagree with the idea that because of my feelings, I have the right to hurt someone else with my words and behavior.” This has been a reminder to me since then, which made me understand myself more and other people. Kaya lahat ng sinabi mo sa taas eh valid. :)

    I enjoyed reading this blog post. Seems like I’ll visit this page more often. Curious din ako sa journey mo, kasi mukhang may mga similarities tayo kahit paano. :)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for dropping by and reading this. 🙂 Nakaka-encourage. Nakakamiss rin pala talaga magsulat ng na-capture talaga yung emotion na meron ka at the moment. Salamat rin, kasi I was inspired by your post the last time. Same here, I look forward to reading more of your writings.

      I-take note ko yang book. Ang interesting basahin. Salamat. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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