How do you welcome the start of a new decade? I don’t think I’m even ready. Before I decided to write this, I tried to look back at my year ender posts in the past decade just to see if doing this “yearly thing” would still be worth it. Haha. Wala namang kwenta. May mga years na wala pala akong sinulat. Siguro I was too busy feeling lazy to make one. Hahaha.
I didn’t really feel like celebrating the start of a new year this morning. I don’t know if it’s just me being an adult, losing the excitement for such festivity, or I have just completely lost the motivation to be motivated in life. Pinag uusapan nga namin kanina ni Darel, sabi ko ang pinaka-mahirap ata na problema in life is yung mawalan ka ng gana sa lahat ng bagay. Iba yun sa pagiging tamad ha. Yung pagiging tamad kasi, you’re still sure of the things that you need or have to do. Ayaw mo lang gawin. Pero kapag unmotivated ka, hindi mo na alam kung ano nga ba yung mga kelangan mong gawin.
Alam ko naman na there are a lot of things to be thankful for this year. Pero parang ang hirap. Kasi if there’s a perfect word to describe my 2019, it would be this: FAILURE. Well, it’s because I seem to have failed in almost every aspect of my life. Career, hobbies, ministry, and relationships. Yung alam mong ginawa mo naman yung best mo and all you have in mind was really to give Glory to God, and yet it didn’t work. Ang malala nun, ang sakit pa. If only I can elaborate the whys kung bakit ko nasasabi ‘to, but I don’t see the point of putting it all out here.
Sabi sakin ng asawa ko, if I feel that I failed, then why not try again? May point naman. Yun naman ata yung pinaka option mo talaga to move forward in life. But I think I’m too wounded at this point to even think of trying again. You can’t expect a broken thing to work how it used to without fixing it first. I need to heal, I guess.
I know this is not the kind of post people would want to read as we say goodbye to this year. Hindi ka naman kasi ma-momotivate ng thoughts ko ngayong gabing ‘to. Hahaha. If you’re ending 2019 feeling excited for the coming year, then good for you. Pero kung sakali na somehow medyo same vibe tayo, well, ang hirap bumati ng “Happy New Year” noh? So pano, “Welcome 2020” na lang?
Like the usual New Year’s Eve celebration of the family, we are here in Batangas. However, we (not all of us though) checked in to a garden resort and managed to take a quick dip in the pool this afternoon, hence this photo: