I don’t know. Maybe I should just do one thing. Either I focus on writing or try to reinvent myself by exploring the world of creating videos. I figured it would be the next best option for me since I always find myself out of words lately (nope, won’t be a vlogger in my lifetime). But wait. I also want to take up a new hobby. Like sewing (yes, I’m serious). Is that still possible? Ugh. Only 4 months left til I leave 30, and I’m back in this familiar black hole I was navigating 5 years ago. Well, except for the fact that when I was 25, atleast I had a couple of things to keep me distracted from the questions, “Is this really where I’m supposed to be?” and “Is this really what I’m supposed to do?”.
If I were to be honest, I still can’t get a good grip on finding the motivation to be motivated in life. There are days when I would be so productive, feeling happy, only to find out that it will be followed by consecutive days of totally slacking off, drowning myself with whatever game I have downloaded from the App Store, or just continue watching Gossip Girl because I never really had the chance to finish the series, and basically just put off the idea of making an effort to do something else aside from what I just mentioned.
If this is me experiencing a delayed case of quarter life crisis or a premature mid life crisis assuming that I’ll only live til 60 yrs old, whatever this is, this needs to stop. I know this has something to do with me being a failure, or feeling like one, and I also know that I can do better than this, but I seem to have lost the desire of pressing the “try again” button in my life. Maybe I’m scared. Or maybe I’m just tired. For whatever reason, I guess I’m just not ready yet.