If there’s one thing I’ve been constantly learning since the start of the year, it would be about not being too hard on myself and that it’s okay to do things one day at a time. Last month, whenever I would find myself struggling with unproductive or high anxiety days, I would just try to comfort myself by thinking, “It’s okay. We can try again tomorrow.”
I am thankful for my husband, friends and new found people (especially the WordPress community) who never failed to remind me that it’s okay to admit that you’re not okay. We all go through difficult seasons in life, and if you keep on putting a front that you are fine even if you’re not, you will eventually die — literally and/or figuratively. And as much as I want to have answers on why I am experiencing such, I have no choice but to just allow life to run its course.
I am still struggling to believe that God still has a purpose for me when He seems to have taken away the things where I have put all my effort and obedience, and yet He made me feel that I am such a failure. I have so many questions. What did I do wrong? Did I invest in a bad soil to begin with? Why can’t I be good in something? Why am I always rejected? Why can’t we have a baby yet? Why this? Why that? Why is there a lot of fake people? Why can’t I be strong enough to not feel these negative emotions? Why can’t I get answers? Why do these things have to happen all at the same time? Why?
But He doesn’t seem to hear me.
So, okay. I’ll stop asking.
When there are triggers, I would still get frustrated. I would get angry with myself and people. But it’s good to realize that I haven’t been as self destructive as I was in the past. I guess there is some progress, at least. If taking things one day at a time is what will help me to get through this, fine. I’m getting used to it anyway.
I found myself writing again and making music, so here’s the perfect song for this month-ender post. I know I’m a bad singer, but I love “Jennifer Chung’s Take It One Day At a Time”. Haha. I have the lyrics in the video itself.